Courage is contagious. Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver.
Brene Brown
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s common for people to develop habits to cope with stress and navigate life’s challenges. Yet, what begins as a means of managing the pressures of life can sometimes transform into barriers hindering our efficiency, presence with loved ones, creativity, and overall fulfillment. However, recognizing and understanding these coping behaviors can be the first step toward breaking free from their grip and paving the way towards a life aligned with our deepest desires.
In this blog post, we’ll delve into the importance of understanding our coping behaviors, how to identify and reduce unhelpful habits, and ultimately, how to cultivate behaviors that propel us toward our goals. From pinpointing gaps in helpful behaviors to defining and addressing unproductive habits, we’ll explore actionable steps to empower you in your journey towards greater effectiveness and fulfillment. Let’s dive in and uncover the path to reclaiming control over our habits and shaping the lives we truly desire.
Curious ways!
The human mind works in curious ways. As a species we have developed the capacity to adapt to adversity and utilise a variety of thoughts, behaviors, and emotions to cope with the internal and external demands of stressful situations or life challenges.
Coping encompasses a range of strategies employed to deal with stressors, adversity, or perceived threats to one’s well-being. Coping can take various forms, including problem-focused coping, emotion-focused coping, and avoidant coping.
Let’s focus on the problem at hand shall we?!
Problem-focused coping is a type of coping strategy that involves actively addressing and tackling the source of stress or the problem itself. Instead of simply managing emotions or avoiding the stressor, individuals employing problem-focused coping take proactive steps to understand, confront, and resolve the issue at hand. This approach is particularly useful when the stressor is something within one’s control and requires problem-solving skills to manage effectively.
Here are some key characteristics and examples of problem-focused coping:
Identifying the problem: The first step in problem-focused coping is to accurately identify the specific stressor or problem causing distress. This may involve gathering information, analyzing the situation, and defining the problem clearly.
Generating solutions: Once the problem is identified, individuals engage in generating potential solutions or courses of action to address it. This may include brainstorming ideas, evaluating alternatives, and considering the potential outcomes of each option.
Taking action: Problem-focused coping involves taking concrete steps to implement the chosen solution or course of action. This may require setting goals, making plans, and mobilizing resources to effectively address the problem.
Monitoring progress: Throughout the coping process, individuals actively monitor their progress and adjust their approach as needed. This may involve evaluating the effectiveness of the chosen solution, identifying any barriers or challenges encountered, and making modifications to the plan as necessary.
Examples of problem-focused coping strategies include:
- Seeking information or advice to better understand the problem.
- Breaking down the problem into smaller, more manageable tasks.
- Developing a plan of action and setting specific goals.
- Using problem-solving techniques such as brainstorming or decision-making tools.
- Taking proactive steps to change the situation or improve one’s circumstances.
Problem-focused coping is often associated with greater feelings of control, self-efficacy, and empowerment, as individuals actively engage in taking charge of their circumstances. While problem-focused coping may not always be feasible or appropriate in every situation, it can be a valuable tool for managing stress, building resilience, and promoting overall well-being.
But its all about the vibe…
Emotion-focused coping is a type of coping strategy that involves managing the emotional distress caused by a stressor or problem rather than directly addressing the stressor itself. This approach focuses on regulating emotions, reducing negative feelings, and finding ways to cope with the psychological impact of the stressor. Emotion-focused coping can be particularly useful when the stressor is beyond one’s control or when immediate resolution is not possible.
Here are some key characteristics and examples of emotion-focused coping:
Acknowledging emotions: Emotion-focused coping begins with recognizing and acknowledging one’s emotions in response to a stressor. This may involve identifying feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger, or frustration and acknowledging their impact on well-being.
Expressing emotions: Once emotions are acknowledged, individuals may engage in various forms of emotional expression to cope with their feelings. This can include talking to others about their emotions, writing in a journal, or engaging in creative activities such as art or music.
Seeking support: Emotion-focused coping often involves seeking social support from friends, family members, or mental health professionals. Sharing feelings with others can provide validation, empathy, and comfort, helping individuals feel less alone in their struggles.
Engaging in self-care: Emotion-focused coping emphasizes self-care activities that promote emotional well-being and relaxation. This may include practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, physical activity, or spending time in nature.
Cognitive reappraisal: Another aspect of emotion-focused coping involves reframing or reinterpreting the meaning of the stressor in order to reduce its emotional impact. This can involve adopting a more positive perspective, finding silver linings, or focusing on personal growth opportunities.
Examples of emotion-focused coping strategies include:
- Talking to a friend or family member about one’s feelings.
- Engaging in relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
- Writing in a journal to process emotions and gain insight into one’s thoughts and feelings.
- Seeking professional therapy or counseling to work through emotional difficulties.
- Engaging in hobbies or activities that provide a sense of joy, fulfillment, and emotional release.
Emotion-focused coping can be a valuable tool for managing emotional distress, promoting self-care, and fostering resilience in the face of adversity. While it may not directly change the external circumstances causing stress, it can help individuals cope more effectively with their emotions and navigate challenging situations with greater resilience and well-being.
You’ll find me over here… with my head buried in the sand…
Avoidant coping refers to a set of strategies individuals use to deal with stress or difficult situations by avoiding or denying the source of stress rather than directly confronting or addressing it. Unlike more proactive coping strategies, which involve actively engaging with the stressor or problem, avoidant coping involves efforts to distance oneself emotionally or behaviorally from the stressor.
Examples of avoidant coping strategies include:
Denial: Refusing to acknowledge the existence or severity of a problem or stressor.
Avoidance: Physically or mentally avoiding situations, people, or activities that trigger stress or discomfort.
Distraction: Engaging in activities or behaviors to divert attention away from the stressor temporarily, such as watching TV, surfing the internet, or overeating.
Substance use: Turning to alcohol, drugs, or other substances as a way to numb or escape from stressful feelings or situations.
While avoidant coping strategies may provide temporary relief from distress, they are generally considered less effective in the long term and can contribute to increased feelings of anxiety, depression, and overall psychological distress. Avoidant coping may also prevent individuals from effectively addressing underlying problems or finding constructive solutions to challenges.
It’s important to note that occasional use of avoidant coping strategies is normal and may even be adaptive in certain situations, such as temporarily stepping back to regulate emotions before tackling a problem. However, relying heavily on avoidant coping can hinder personal growth, resilience, and the ability to effectively manage stressors in the long term.
Ways to improve your coping
The graphic above shows you a variety of healthy coping strategies, but for now we will focus in on just problem solving.
Exercise
I want to take you through a problem solving process that I use regularly. Often when we are trying to solve a problem we silently think our way through it and don’t follow a deliberate process. We can become stuck or move through the stage of generating and appraising solutions much too quickly. The following problem solving process will help to slow your thought process down and consider several possible solutions with clarity of thought.
Below is a worksheet to guide you through the process, and I encourage you to write as you work through as writing helps to tap into the problem solving part of the brain. Alternatively, you could dictate your answers in a voice memo and listen back to it which would have a similar effect.
Lets follow Sally through her problem solving process…
Step 1:
Define your problem: For example, Sally wants to take an over seas holiday, but she has always had trouble saving. She writes: “I want to take an overseas holiday, but I have trouble saving”.
Step 2:
Define your goal (try to be specific): “To take a holiday in Bali with my friends”.
Step 3:
List some of the obstacles: “I have trouble saving. I just can’t seem to help myself and make small purchases on my credit card which means I am in a cycle of spending and then paying down the card, only to spend more. I also only have part-time work”
Step 4:
Generate several possible solutions (you can have a couple which are really outside the box, and I encourage you to include one which says: do nothing different).
Step 5:
Now on a scale of 0-10 rate a) the likelihood (10 would be highly likely) that the solution will get you closer to your goal, and b) the damage, cost, or effort that the solution would take (with 10 being a lot of damage/cost/effort).
Step 6:
Subtract the damage, cost, or effort rating from the likelihood rating to arrive at a score.
Sally’s possible solutions with ratings and scores looked like this:
- “Cut up my credit card, 7(likelihood)-3(damage/cost/effort)=4.
- Pay off the credit card and then close the card, 6-4=2.
- Get a second job, 8-6=2.
- Just put the holiday on my credit card, 8-9=-1.
- Do nothing, 0-3=-3″.
Step 7:
Select the best option(s) and impliment those solutions. Then review, monitor progress, and generate alternative solutions as needed.
Sally’s chosen solutions: “I will cut up my credit card so that I am not tempted to use it when I am out and about. I will also start a direct debit on pay day to the credit card to pay it down then close it when it is paid off. Lastly, I will start doing some grocery deliveries as a side gig to increase my income a little which will speed things up a bit”.
Now you try! Notice whether you feel more in control with a sense of agency after completing the problem solving process for yourself.
Understanding and actively managing our coping behaviors is pivotal in fostering resilience, enhancing well-being, and steering our lives towards fulfillment. By recognizing the nuances between problem-focused, emotion-focused, and avoidant coping strategies, individuals gain the ability to navigate life’s challenges with clarity and purpose. Through deliberate problem-solving processes like the one illustrated with Sally’s journey, we empower ourselves to confront obstacles head-on, make informed decisions, and progress towards our goals. As we continue to refine our coping skills and cultivate healthier habits, we pave the way for greater resilience, joy, and fulfillment in all aspects of our lives. Remember, each step taken towards understanding and improving our coping behaviors brings us closer to a life of authenticity, balance, and fulfillment.
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Last reviewed 4 July 2025